Vent: Back to work fail!! (Long)

elroda

I've been so worried about pumping enough, having a freezer stash, sending the right stuff to DC...never thought things could go wrong because my LO would refuse to eat from a bottle!

I was at work for 3hrs before getting that dreaded call from daycare, complete with my poor baby screaming in the background, that he wouldn't eat! The DC lady accused me over the phone of not getting him bottle ready and said I needed to come get him. (Obviously dumbass I am not going to let him starve!)

The milk was fresh from this morning so it couldn't have been high lipase. It was in the Medela bottles that he has taken before...family has given bottles during babysitting since he was 2wks!! I know he CAN take a bottle but he wouldn't! Of course I ran out of work in tears. Kept it together in front of the DC lady though. She has 32yrs experience and told me she felt like a failure for not being able to feed him. Then she asked a bunch of questions about him being able to take a bottle, making it seem like I had never tried it before. I tried not to think she was blaming me with her comments but BITCH WAS TOTALLY BLAMING ME!!
To top it off, she recived a call before I got there that another baby was positive for RSV! WTF!! Now I am going to the pedi to find out if he is sick and that's why he refused to eat. Seriously, this is the nightmare I've been having that turned into reality.

Anyone with experience with this kind of situation...suggestions? What can I do? Who can I talk to for help? Anything you've got I'm interested in because I'm am broken over how my poor baby looked when I got to daycare--almost lifeless from all of the crying and screaming from being hungry. thank you for erasing and please please share any help you've got!

katie.725

Huge Hugs honey!!! i'm sorry LM is having a rough day... 

Did you try to give him the bottle there?  Maybe it's just her...

elroda

@katie.725 I couldn't even try because she literally whipped his blanket off of him, removed him from the bouncer and handed him to me. The car seat and his bag were by the door.

katie.725

Well - no offense -  but she doesn't sound very pleasant... 

Maybe see if you can work with her on the bottle feeding... give him the bottle there and when he's calm see if he will take it from her

PeachyBella

This is *not* your fault. Daycare staffer sounds like a piece of work. Ignore her. Babies can be stubborn and there's nothing you can do about it. Just hang in there and know you're doing your very best.

barista411

I'm sorry LM wasn't cooperative. Enjoy the extra snuggles and don't let that crazy DC lady make you question your mothering.

Jennybabe0706

Ugh. I'm so sorry you and LO had a rough day. Sounds like the daycare lady is a real biatch. Hugs.

cagoldi

Finnaroo said:

Hugs. That DC provider really rubs me the wrong way. How married are you to them?

This. They are supposed to be helping both of you with this transition, not getting combative if an issue arises.

I just don't like the sound of it. Instead of trying to work with you to get it figured out she put you on the defensive.

drcolleen

With this kid I returned to work @ 6 weeks, DS stayed home with DH.  I left for work at 0645 after nursing DS then DH sent me a text at oh, 1145, that DS was screaming and hadn't yet figured out how to drink from a bottle, then when I was pondering running home over lunch (20min drive) he sent a text at ~1215 that he finally figured it out.  I felt better, our girls never had an issue with a bottle.  It's stressful though.

A new surrounding, a change of persons, etc are enough to throw any baby off and I'm surprised a DC provider would not understand this.  And, 3-4 hours of not eating isn't going to starve a 2-3mo old by any stretch of imagination so it's sad they couldn't take the opportunity to ensure your kid's security with some extra holding/bouncing/attention in the new environment ---- if they wanted your business they would have.

elroda

I felt this way exactly! She has tons of pictures of all of these kids she has had for DC, presented us with love letter type cards from old parents, and talked about her experience with all types of babies at the interview. The way she called me and got so blamey makes me question everything!! I forgot to mention on the way to my car she said she only asked one baby not to come back because he cried all day long for 2wks! What does that even mean for me and why did she feel the need to tell me?

I have already started calling DC centers vs at home DC. You ladies are right, a provider should be more sensitive to this transition especially if they want my money!! Thank GOD my school is supportive and willing to let me do whatever I need to do in order for my baby boy to be happy and eating with someone else.
He is STILL sleeping on me which I love but am sad about at the same time.

JennOH85

I'm so sorry! Big hugs. This was not your fault and agree with PPs: this DC provider gets the side-eye from me big time. It's her JOB, literally, to be sensitive and compassionate with your LO while he's transitioning to a new routine. It sounds to me like her lack of patience was the problem. The RSV thing would have me upset, too!

katie.725

Can you talk to other parents that go to her?  See if they've ever had issues?

Mailmans Baby Momma

Oh gosh that's rough! So glad your school is accommodating.

I'd definitely seek other alternatives if you can. Her comments really rub me the wrong way. Gong back to work is hard enough without her implications and condescending tone.

Good luck with your decision!

TJHine

I'm so sorry! Hugs Mama!

michelleh0385

Wtf is with her? I can't even imagine how hard it must have been to walk in and see your LO like that. Hopefully you can figure out the problem. Whether it's DC lady or something else.

mbafall09

So sorry that happened! It's hard enough leaving our LOs with someone else, she could have helped the transition better! It's definitely not your fault.

elroda

@kamakaziartist ya know what, this does make sense because she said she put him in the swing, then tried the bouncer, then tried feeding him.

So the pedi said that DS won't show symptoms of RSV this soon and assured me that it is very common. He said as long as it doesn't turning into wheezing that keeps DS from breathing you care for it like a cold. He said that even though DS has taken a bottle he could have been thrown off by the stranger and that at 2months LO's can tell when it is a boob vs BM from a nipple that is not the boob. So even though I didn't have a resistor it sounds like I have one now. Going to try giving her with a scarf I wore all day to put on when she tries feeding him.

Talked everything over with DH and I had him call the DC lady with our concerns. She apologized profusely on the phone and said she really wants to work with us, that she was just worried that he wasn't going to eat and didn't want to wait, and that she had never had a baby who takes BM in a bottle. The fact that she opened up to DH makes me feel a little bit better. If she wasn't living in our neighborhood I wouldn't feel the need to try. DH also called a few of the other parents that have used her and they had positive things to say. So tomorrow is try #2. I'm just trying to stay positive because I have to work to pay off grad school!!! Thank you soo much ladies for the kind words! This transition is so tough and I'm glad that I am not overreacting or "alone" in this. Love ya ladies!

CarrieB.

Refusing a bottle for 3 hours is not reason it yell at you. I've been back at work for 2 weeks now and LO is just now accepting a morning bottle. She was waiting until 11am before she would take one and I leave for work at 6:30. Babies won't starve themselves. Sounds like your daycare lady is a tool.

elroda

@carrieB my pedi said the same thing and wondered if people actually wait.
I just hope tomorrow she doesn't throw the towel in so fast. Really, we signed a contract that locks us in because we have to give a 2wk notice. Maybe I can do half days during this time. We are I the wait list now for two other DC centers that are closer to work but cost more $$.

CarrieB.

My DH is home w our girls during the day and is super patient. He said that there was a lot of crying the first few mornings, but he kept offering the bottle and comforting her. Eventually she would take it and took 8-10 oz a day, so I wasn't concerned even though her schedule was a little weird. I posted about it here and someone said this was normal for nursing babies.

At 11 weeks when I went back to work this was her schedule:

5am nurse
11am 4 oz
4pm 4oz
6pm nurse
7pm nurse
8pm nurse
12am nurse
3am nurse

She's starting to normalize her schedule and sleep better now at 13 weeks and just finally took a morning bottle for the first time today. I think your daycare lady should learn more about taking care of breast fed babies bc they are on different schedules.

VegasGal1978

So sorry. What a bitch. With 32 years experience you'd think she'd know how to handle such a situation in a professional manner. I hope it gets better. This is not your fault. Hang in there.

Lindsayloring1

This makes me so sad. What the hell? You're paying someone to care for your precious baby, they can't figure out how to feed them, and then just give up and kick you out for the day? Sounds like she is overwhelmed/not experienced/a biotch. I hope the 2nd attempt goes well for you!! Please keep us posted! Oh yah, and I'd be wiggin about the rsv thing too! GL and hugs to you!!

starbaby4000

CFox815 said:

No advice but I'm really sad reading this and I want to punch DC lady in the face.

My thoughts exactly! Big hugs to you

elroda

GOBLU1274 said:

DC lady sounds like a real twat.

@GOBLU1274 Omg this is AMAZZZZZING! I feel so cuddly now!
Thank you mama!

Against my better judgement we dropped him off at DC today. I went there to nurse him at lunch to give her peace of mind. Two hours later I got a TEXT MESSAGE saying how awful my son is acting, how she felt sorry for the other children, and how he isn't working out... It was honestly the best thing I heard all day. Validation that my baby thinks I'm the shit.

No but really, today sucked and I have to really give myself a pat on the back for not being a bitch when I picked him up. I will spare y'all the details of how he looked this time. I am going to take some responsibility for this awful outcome: 1) I should have gone with my gut after yesterday and not listened to my logical DH 2) I should have taken him with me after I nursed him at lunch there and saw the other two babies getting no attention whatsoever.

I learned a lot in two days and realized I am truly not comfortable going back to work and that my DS isn't either. If you are following this and haven't gone back yet DO A TRIAL RUN and SURPRISE VISITS! I was naive and learned my lesson. FTR he took a bottle fr me today after nursing twice back to back. He just didn't like the bitch!!

YummeeCookee

Really? She sent you a text message to say your son is acting awful? WTF - how does a 2month old little baby act awful? I am also stunned that in 32yrs, this woman has never fed BM out of a bottle. Glad you are getting out of there!

elroda

@YummeeCookee Yep. A 3 part text. Called DH at a conference in Chicago. But did not even call me. I picked a reeeeaaaalll winner.

CarrieB.

Wow that lady seriously sucks! 40 minutes of crying is too much on the second day of day care? My baby cried pretty much constantly for the first two days when I went back to work and she was at home with my husband!

I've been back for 2 weeks now and today was the first day that she only cried when she was hungry. DH was thrilled.

Mailmans Baby Momma

You know what...after reading that text I think she already had her mind made up before you even got there today.

It's her loss...your kid is BLADass.

cagoldi

Un.fucking.real. I hate that you and your LO had to deal with this but I'm glad he's not spending his days with that heinous bitch.

Zilly13

She's heinous. She deserves a good blasting all over the internet and social media. In 32 years she's never had a breast fed baby?? That's absurd.

bglovesbabyk

My blood is boiling reading this. I'm so sorry you went through this. :-(

katie.725

Well.... she really is just a peach...You're better off without her... 

Oliver loves his mommy so much!!   That will top anything she could ever do..

momitobe

That's so wrong. Make it your mission to let others know so no one else has to go through this. Maybe it's time for that bitch to retire!

elroda

@jls&csl why did you mark my thread as spam?

fiddlefern

WTF was the DC Lady's problem? Doesn't she know how stressful your day was already with leaving LO at DC?

My DC found that if they hold MJ like I hold him when I nurse he takes the bottle better.  Now that he's been there a few weeks he is a lot better.  Sending you lots of :hugs: